look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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