No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
