Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
