apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
