Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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