So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
