found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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