life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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