when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The feeling are messing with the penis
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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