im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You are the jesus of drinking
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
