trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
