Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
