Don't you send me to vm
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize