good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
