God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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