Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
