so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
