Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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