State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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