and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
