so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
