I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
