please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
