This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
