we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
