Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
