My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
