Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
