Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
