...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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