I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
