dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
