I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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