So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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