hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
