Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
