She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
