I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
