You're so nebulous sometimes
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
