It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
