Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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