I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
