I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
