those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
