I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
