Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
