is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
