did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
