She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
