this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
