i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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