i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
