Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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