In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
