I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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