two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
