i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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