she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
