there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
