Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
