Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
