Ambien. No doubt about it.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize