What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
