Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Randomize