why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
