I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
