Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
