During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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