God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize