I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
