Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
