I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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